The Post-Borp Underground by Robert Chrysler
Hard to define aesthetically, and consisting of a disparate group of cantankerous individuals who would rather be condemned to an eternity sniffing Hulk Hogan's sweaty wrestling trunks than be thought of as being members of an artistic group or school, the post-borp underground has been called everything from "the future of literature" to "a complete hoax perpetrated by a bunch of mentally-retarded William S. Burroughs wannabes."
The Players
Kane X. Faucher
The Skinny: A virtuoso who brings respectability and literary pedigree to the group. The author of several novels that people who don't sniff glue have actually read. Theoretcally sound, he is a subversive mole within the halls of academy, just so he can keep on indulging in wine, women and texting. He explains what Deleuze and Guattari are going on about to other members of the group.
Downside: Napoleonic on occasion, he devotes far too much time to lifting cars and plotting to overthrow Matina Stamatakis (see below) for leadership of the group.
Aaron Held
The Skinny: A prodigy renowned for his versatility in the visual and textual realms. Cute, shy, the teen heart-throb of the group who quietly, diligently churns out the borp with astounding regularity.
Downside: A crippling addiction to internet porn and death-metal.
Jaie Miller
The Skinny: The weird British guy. Profoundly influenced by surrealism and hip-hop culture, he produces reams of text at a pace that makes other members of the group suspect there are three of him. An anti-capitalist revolutionary who has devoted considerable energy to smashing the system, while also remaining really quite funky.
Downside: He's British, talks funny and has been arrested several times for stalking Lauryn Hill. He's also into jazz-funk.
Jaan Patterson
The Skinny: The blissed-out, mad prince of the group. Possesses a tremendous work-ethic, and is always ready to lend a helping hand to various projects, he is the glue that holds the group together. Very huggable and works the borp visually, textually and musically. Totally insane, druggy genius.
Downside: He often talks backwards. Other group members have come to see this as endearing, if not absolute proof of his connection to the borp.
Marcus Tang
The Skinny: Reclusive and mysterious. Works the borp from all angles, too. Rumoured to be the former lover of group leader Matina Stamatakis, as well as the father of her only child.
Downside: Very creepy. And angry. Very angry.
John Moore Williams
The Skinny: A textual virtuoso and rigorous literary theorist. If it can be written, he can write it. A red-head who probably worships Satan, he brings sexiness to the group and looks good with minimal amounts of clothing on. He is rumoured to be working on the first (though surely not the last) post-borp porno film.
Downside: None, really. And it's annoying, too!
Robert Chrysler
The Skinny: Barely-literate, drug and alcohol addled anarchist and surrealist. Obviously brain-damaged, disheveled and prone to mental instability, he nonetheless remains a producer of text. Detractors of the group see him as epitomizing everything that is specious about it, supporters see him as being something of a "spiritual leader."
Downside: Cracked-out and obsessed with Theoni Tambaki (see below).
The Leaders
Lee Kwo
The Skinny: Textual and musical wizard of the borp. A veteran avant-gardist, who has seen it all, engaged with it very deeply and come away laughing maniacally. Proof that drugs can be a good thing, it is said Lee has already kicked several exotic concoctions not even known yet to the FDA.
Downside: Can't get over Stiv Bators and still wears his jeans way too tight.
Theoni Tambaki
The Skinny: Hash-crazed Greek anarchist, prone to knife-wielding thuggery and arson. She's been arrested several times for something to do with goats (the other members are sworn to secrecy). Fluent in every language known to man (and some unknown), she is both a poet and visual arts visionary. Lives and breathes the borp, and remains a staunch enemy of "things as they are."
Downside: Probably the goat thing.
Matina Stamatakis
The Skinny: The unquestionable leader of the group. A supremely talented beauty, who rules with a combination of charm and iron breasteses, despite being only three feet tall.
Downside: She likes Kajagoogoo.
*A special mention must be made of the man behind the scenes, John C. Goodman, for giving them a wall upon which to scrawl their weird thingies*
